WHEN TRYING TO FIT IN MAKES YOU DISAPPEAR

The Irony of Living for Other People's Expectations

By Nankwanga Eunice Kasirye

There’s a strange exhaustion that comes from trying to be relevant in places where you were never meant to belong. The kind of weariness that drains not just your body, but your soul — because deep inside, you know you’re fighting a losing battle. But you keep going, don’t you? Hoping, praying, trying harder, just to be seen. To be enough.

And yet — what a painful irony — trying to live up to other people’s expectations often makes you invisible to yourself.

Let me say this:

Remove your expectations from people and you’ll take away their power to hurt you.

Because wherever your attention goes… your power follows. And if your attention is on being accepted, being noticed, being liked — you’re handing over your peace to people who didn’t even ask for it.

Everyone has a life to live. But those with empty, chaotic lives often find comfort in tampering with others’. They project their negativity, push their insecurities, and create illusions of standards that must be met — as if your life needs their stamp of approval to matter.

Eh! If someone truly believes certain standards must be met, then let them practice them — for their own good, not yours.

Living by someone else’s measure is like watering a garden in the dark, hoping a stranger passes by in daylight and says, “Well done.” You give up your life for applause that may never come. Worse still, most of the people you’re trying so hard to impress don’t even have you on the second page of their priority list. You're barely a footnote.

And the saddest part?
They don’t even see you.
They don’t notice the tears you hide behind your makeup.
They don’t feel the sleepless nights, the anxious days, the silent screams behind every smile.
Because they're too busy living their own lives.

Here’s the truth — when you start living yourself, when you embrace who you are in your rawest form, you will attract the kind of people who see you as enough. People who don’t require explanations or performances. People who just get it. And get you.

You are under no obligation to meet anyone’s expectations. Do what’s right because you believe it’s right. Care because you genuinely care — not because someone demanded it.

You don’t need someone holding your hand through every chapter of your life. Sometimes, the growth is in walking alone. In trusting yourself. In becoming your own compass. In setting standards based on your truth, not someone else’s fiction.

Yes, you’ll stumble. Yes, you’ll get it wrong. But if you’re following your intuition — those stumbles will become stepping stones, not stop signs. They’ll shape you into someone wiser, bolder, freer.

Grow into the version of you that speaks truth to yourself — even when every voice around you screams for you to conform. Even when it feels easier to shrink than to shine.

Make decisions. Stop making excuses. Learn new things. Refuse to settle for mediocrity just because it’s safe, or familiar, or accepted.

It takes guts to stand alone.
But it’s worth it.
And no — you don’t have to apologize for being you.

Trying too hard to live up to other people’s expectations is not a virtue — it’s a silent thief. It steals your energy, your confidence, your joy. It clouds your vision, so much that you miss the people who already love the real you — the unfiltered you.

So let go.
Breathe.
Reclaim your relevance — on your own terms.

SET YOUR LIFE-BAR. BE CLEAR-NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR WANTING MORE

Be Bold Enough To Walk Away From Anything That Doesn’t Match Your Standards

By Nankwanga Eunice Kasirye

“If you don’t set a baseline standard for what you will accept in life, you’ll find it’s easy to slip into behaviors and attitudes and a quality of life far below what you deserve.”
— Tony Robbins

In a world where noise is constant and the pressure to conform is relentless, many people forget the power of having a personal standard. A life-bar. A personal benchmark. A non-negotiable threshold that says, this is what I stand for, and this is how I expect to be treated. If you don’t set your life-bar, the world will set it for you—most often, far below your worth.

Setting a life-bar is not arrogance. It’s clarity. It’s not being rigid—it’s being rooted.

Your life-bar is directly tied to your self-esteem. When your standards are low or undefined, it signals to yourself and others that you believe you deserve less. The consequences of that mindset silently influence your decisions, relationships, goals, and even your self-talk.

The Woman Who Set the Standard

My mother, Kekrine (RIP), was a woman of substance. Medium height, chocolate skin, full of force and presence. She had this signature walk—forward-leaning, like someone always ready for a face-off with life. Her voice was deep, sharp, and authoritative—like thunder speaking through a woman.

She didn’t just teach me about standards—she embodied them. Maama lived like she was born for more than just survival. She didn’t settle. She didn’t compromise. To her, second place didn’t exist. There was only being the best of who you are. There were no “Plan Bs”—only Plan A, done right.

What stood out most was how unapologetically she drew the line. Her life-bar wasn’t up for debate. Whether or not people cheered her on didn’t matter. Whether society understood or not—irrelevant. Her eyes were fixed on her own standard of life, dignity, purpose, and expression.

"You get what you tolerate."
— Henry Cloud

Maama didn’t tolerate mediocrity, excuses, or weak attitudes—not from others and certainly not from herself. And she made sure I learned that.

She would say, “You don’t need people’s validation to know who you are. Set your life-bar and let the world adjust, or walk away.” This was her gospel. It didn't matter where you came from, whether you were privileged or not. What mattered was whether you had a personal code, a set of values, a limit.

To Maama, teamwork only made sense if you were building with champions. And champions, she insisted, weren’t defined by their positions or material gains—but by their attitude. If your attitude was right, you could fly without wings.

Why You Must Have a Life-Bar

To be a “no-boundaries” person—a “whatever goes” kind of individual—isn’t just reckless, it’s self-sabotaging. People without standards tend to drift, easily swayed by circumstances, peer pressure, or fleeting emotions. They tolerate disrespect. They accept less than they deserve. Eventually, they become bitter, not because others mistreated them, but because they failed to define what they could or could not accept.

You need a limit. A place where you firmly say, “No. Not below this.”

When you set your life-bar:

• You begin to respect yourself more.
• You communicate your worth without needing to explain it.
• You attract people and opportunities that align with your energy.
• You create internal peace, because you're no longer in conflict with your own values.

“Raise your standards and the universe will meet you there.”
— Danielle LaPorte

This Has Nothing to Do with Money

Don’t confuse setting a life-bar with being materialistic. It’s not about how much money you have or what car you drive. It’s about what your personality can command. It's about integrity, how you let others treat you, how you show up when no one’s watching.

Your life-bar dictates your habits, your discipline, your resilience. It’s in how you speak to yourself when you fail. It’s in how you refuse to shrink to make others comfortable.

You don’t need to lower your life-bar to fit in. No. The right people will rise to meet you there. And those who don’t? They were never your tribe to begin with.

You don’t need to explain your standards, and you certainly don’t need to apologize for them.

“We are the sum of our habits. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”
— Aristotle

Setting a life-bar is also about identity repetition. The more you practice holding yourself to higher standards, the more it becomes second nature. If you want to be confident, act confident—even before you fully feel it. If you want to be respected, carry yourself with dignity—even before others offer it.

Fake it? No. Form it. Repetition is the mother of mastery. You are building a version of yourself you’ll be proud to be alone with.

Stand Firm, Stay Clear

Your life-bar becomes your compass. It guides your daily decisions, your associations, your boundaries. It gives your “No” the same power as your “Yes.” It builds a version of you that is anchored, not easily thrown around by society’s storms.

"Don’t lower your standards. Increase your effort."
— Tom Bilyeu

If there’s one gift you can give yourself this year, it’s the gift of clarity. Be clear on who you are. Be clear on what you can and cannot accept. Be clear on the energy you allow around you.

And finally, Be Bold Enough To Walk Away From Anything That Doesn’t Match Your Standards. Because you are not here to shrink. You are here to shine