WHEN TRYING TO FIT IN MAKES YOU DISAPPEAR

The Irony of Living for Other People's Expectations

By Nankwanga Eunice Kasirye

There’s a strange exhaustion that comes from trying to be relevant in places where you were never meant to belong. The kind of weariness that drains not just your body, but your soul — because deep inside, you know you’re fighting a losing battle. But you keep going, don’t you? Hoping, praying, trying harder, just to be seen. To be enough.

And yet — what a painful irony — trying to live up to other people’s expectations often makes you invisible to yourself.

Let me say this:

Remove your expectations from people and you’ll take away their power to hurt you.

Because wherever your attention goes… your power follows. And if your attention is on being accepted, being noticed, being liked — you’re handing over your peace to people who didn’t even ask for it.

Everyone has a life to live. But those with empty, chaotic lives often find comfort in tampering with others’. They project their negativity, push their insecurities, and create illusions of standards that must be met — as if your life needs their stamp of approval to matter.

Eh! If someone truly believes certain standards must be met, then let them practice them — for their own good, not yours.

Living by someone else’s measure is like watering a garden in the dark, hoping a stranger passes by in daylight and says, “Well done.” You give up your life for applause that may never come. Worse still, most of the people you’re trying so hard to impress don’t even have you on the second page of their priority list. You're barely a footnote.

And the saddest part?
They don’t even see you.
They don’t notice the tears you hide behind your makeup.
They don’t feel the sleepless nights, the anxious days, the silent screams behind every smile.
Because they're too busy living their own lives.

Here’s the truth — when you start living yourself, when you embrace who you are in your rawest form, you will attract the kind of people who see you as enough. People who don’t require explanations or performances. People who just get it. And get you.

You are under no obligation to meet anyone’s expectations. Do what’s right because you believe it’s right. Care because you genuinely care — not because someone demanded it.

You don’t need someone holding your hand through every chapter of your life. Sometimes, the growth is in walking alone. In trusting yourself. In becoming your own compass. In setting standards based on your truth, not someone else’s fiction.

Yes, you’ll stumble. Yes, you’ll get it wrong. But if you’re following your intuition — those stumbles will become stepping stones, not stop signs. They’ll shape you into someone wiser, bolder, freer.

Grow into the version of you that speaks truth to yourself — even when every voice around you screams for you to conform. Even when it feels easier to shrink than to shine.

Make decisions. Stop making excuses. Learn new things. Refuse to settle for mediocrity just because it’s safe, or familiar, or accepted.

It takes guts to stand alone.
But it’s worth it.
And no — you don’t have to apologize for being you.

Trying too hard to live up to other people’s expectations is not a virtue — it’s a silent thief. It steals your energy, your confidence, your joy. It clouds your vision, so much that you miss the people who already love the real you — the unfiltered you.

So let go.
Breathe.
Reclaim your relevance — on your own terms.